Thursday, March 13, 2008

How long is this blog supposed to be?


I possess the memory of a goldfish... as most of those who know me are only too aware of. So from Doubletake's borrowed memory and my unreliability...
My childhood for the most part has been characterized by experiments of all kinds. And since I am after all, a Science student, I must follow certain regulations, enumerated as follows:


Life Ten years ago:


  • OBJECTIVE:To prove beyond a shadow of doubt my incredible stupidity.
  • MATERIALS REQUIRED: A hair band, my eye
  • PROCEDURE:
  • Take a hairband and pretend it is a toy.
  • Accidentally poke yourself in the eye with it.
  • Cry out in pain.
RESULT: Bandaged, very painful eye for over a month and unwanted visits to a doctor whose chamber smells like the Corporation's garbage vat.

  • OBJECTIVE: To show I am perfect
  • MATERIALS REQUIRED: A paper, pencil.
  • PROCEDURE:
  • Use your pencil to make a perfect oval. In Upper Infant.
  • Show it off to everyone else.
RESULT: Continued taunting by Doubletake till this day, for knowing what an oval was.

  • OBJECTIVE:To prove I am unparalleled fashion diva.
  • MATERIALS REQUIRED: Yellow mini-skirt, or frilly pink birthday dress.
  • PROCEDURE:
  • Turn up to best friend's class 5 birthday in bright yellow mini-skirt.
  • Best friend gets a fashion lesson.
OR
  • Turn up in frilly pink dress on birthday in school.
  • Pick up your dress and break into impromptu butt jig in school toilet.
  • Make sure Doubletake is present.
RESULT: Photographs of first experiment are still paraded around for positive proof.
Doubletake narrates second experiment as "one of those moments that tainted me forever" to my mother!

Life five years ago:
  • OBJECTIVE:To prove my exaggerated feminism.
  • MATERIALS REQUIRED: Scissors, bad Chinese hairdresser.
  • PROCEDURE:
  • Reach salon in a fit of exaggerated feminism.
  • Chop off locks to get hideous boy cut.
RESULT:Be identified as good friend's boyfriend in my birthday snap. And be accused of being Doubletake's lesbian partner.

  • OBJECTIVE: To try and like someone.
  • MATERIALS REQUIRED: Boy/Man, Me. And my dependable friends.
  • PROCEDURE:
  • Find most unsuitable candidate and start liking him.
  • Tell one friend. Friend shall turn out to be Radio Mirchi.
  • Turn up in ridiculous outfits to meet friends(and candidate). With boy cut. Resemble Nirmal Pandey in Daayra (where he played a eunuch). Except look even less feminine.
RESULT: Be tainted for life. Get fact thrown in face every second day. Uninterrupted sarcasm. humiliation.

Life tomorrow.


OBJECTIVE:Get over with Board Exams. Get drunk without getting drunk. And inhabit my parallel universe with all my GHMs. Watch American Idol. And curse all 16 year old prodigies.

RESULT: Still under observation.


Five locations I would love to run away to.


1. New Zealand:Lord of the Rings taught me something apart from the fact that elves were super-edible---New Zealand is pretty. Very.

2. Machu Pichhu: Incas and Che Guevara both found their freedom here. So why shouldn't I? Adding salt to my wounds of possibly never making it there, is the fact that my sister's boyfriend gets to choose any location in the world to visit just cause he is in ONGC. And he chooses this!

3. Egypt and Istanbul.: I want a houseboat on the Nile where I can smoke up without thinking of tomorrow. Mahfouz seems to think its a good utilisation. And Istanbul just sounds sexy.

4. Prince Edward Island: My introduction to Montgomery has been late but so rewarding.

5. Prague. Pretty cathedrals. But prettier name. Plus Kunal Kapoor looked hot in a sherwani running around here. That is reason enough, right?


Five bad habits I have.

  • Giving running commentary on what is going on on sad Bangla satellite channels while trying to conduct a conversation with people.
  • Laughing like Chucky doll in the middle of the night and scaring my friends.
  • Never admitting I am high or drunk.
Well, that's because I'm not.
  • Polluting divine Beatles songs by messing up the lyrics. In public.
  • Being incredibly mean to certain specific people for no valid reason. The worst part is I don't feel guilty. At all.
Five things I will never wear.
  • Eyebrow or navel ring. Painful and creepy.
  • Blue eyeshadow
  • Glitter. On my face. It will just look like someone spraypainted me erroneously.
  • A Livestrong or Fug band. Strangulate people with them. But don't pretend its fashionable.
  • Anything that requires me to show off bra straps. Ugliest fashion trend ever.

Five biggest joys at this moment.
  • Ranvir Shorey in Mithya.
  • The Bingo Mad Angles Ad. The most delicious concoction of pure genius and innocuousness.
  • This incredible movie called Once. Gives me concrete proof that the Oscars are terribly overrated.
  • American Idol. They had a Beatles-themed episode yesterday. And someone did a WOW cover of Eleanor Rigby, without strings and She's A Woman in a bluegrassy sorta way.
  • My Ipod... Since I don't have a dog and in all likelihood will never have one, thanks to my mother, my Ipod makes up for it. On the plus side I don't have to clean up after it. And it makes me happy. But its still not a dog.
  • Night-time and bhor-raatir conversations with Doubletake and Mithunda (that is a codename, btw) about nothing and everything. And sometimes about sleep disorders.

Something to achieve by next year

Prove scientifically that phuchka can increase a person's willingness to survive. And endure anything.

Something that impacted me last year

Disease. Lots of it. Malaria,pneumonia. Gael Garcia Bernal. And Novak Djokovic.

What will I miss about 2007

That we'll never have a 2007 again. Not till we start counting backwards, I mean. And Class XII.


Five things I want to do before I die

1. Find a like-worthy man who is not a fictional character.
2. Meet Thom Yorke and/or Chris Martin.
3. Watch a Wimbledon Men's Singles Final at Wimbledon. With Djokovic and Federer hopefully.
4. Learn to live a little.
5. Finish this goddamned post.

I tag Scheherazade and Heh?Ok! and Little Boxes. Enjoy!

14 comments:

Doubletake, Doublethink. said...

BEST GOD-DARNED POST OF YOURS EVER.

except, and i cannot repeat this enough, you should NOT rake up memories like that and call me up to read your latest post. gaaaah!

and now you've made me want to do that tag all over again, because suddenly i'm remembering a lot more. why, but WHY are you my friend? *tragic smile*

Doubletake, Doublethink. said...

you know what, i think i'll finally write a post about you. that is the only way i can prove to the world that despite all your science-student experiments, i was the guinea pig in the end. =(

new age scheherazade said...

haha PHATAPHATI.loved it, loved it.
but i am still not doing this tag, because between you and pinka, I have nothing original to post except hideously embarassing memories, which i've blogged about before, more fool I.

What a sentence.

heh? ok said...

hot damn. four tags to do no. are you guys ganging up on me?

and saying 'hot damn' is so much fun :)

Fishy! said...

Haha!! You were mistaken as a friend's BOYFRIEND???
And just when I think you possibly can't get weirder!

ad libber said...

The Ipod being a dog part, I totally empathize. I have started calling my ipod Barney (my name for my dream Dog) and pat it when it plays my favourite songs.

As about a like worthy man not being a fictional character, I wish you luck with it. I already have spent two years and looked around two cities for that. Pretty much futile.

speedpost said...

@doubletake: Thank you *blushes*... When is the post on me due by the way? I WANT free publicity...

@newage: Change my address on your blogroll right now. Because right now I am a muslim fundamentalist. And you will do this tag. Please Please.

@Heh?ok!: Saying hot damn IS fun.And we aren't ganging up on you.. just as the whole universe isn't out to get me...

@Fishy!!: It has happened. Sonali being the victim.

@Ad-libber: Which two cities? I shall valiantly try the others *sobs*

little boxes said...

beautifully written!!!
and i didnt even know you tagged me...will do it soon!
and you had locks???

Sahana said...

The Eleanor Rigby guy is called David Cook.
Love your sciency takes, and seriously, if all that happened, well... it's good to see your sense of humour and perspective remain largely intact.

speedpost said...

@little boxes: Thank you. And I had locks. Hard to believe but so is everything else on this post, right?
@Sahana: Well, I am glad about that too. Since so much has already happened nothing about anything surprises me anymore. I have what they call the Immunity patch on me now!

little boxes said...

periwinkle pretty??!!!

speedpost said...

Yeah. Periwinkles are one of my favouritest flowers. And your posts remind me of them. So there!

little boxes said...

Woohoo,i'm flattered.thankee.and u better post smthng new.soon

speedpost said...

will have to. but not finding enough dare i say Inspiration.In fact,you tell me.